FIGHTING WITH LONELINESS (Guest Post 1)

 Jayendra Sharan is a wonderful bloggers who does not fear to share his true experience with the world... It was very sweet of him to pen down this post for me... This is a wonderful post because i feel at some point or the other we all face loneliness.. Check it out and i am sure that you'll be able to relate yourself to it...

Thanks a lot Sharan... :) :)

WHEN I KNEW that I am going to start my life, my life, on my own, I chose what’s best for me. I had to set priorities and had to take decisions like what is more important for me. I set standards for my life. And the part that I always loved till now was my first priority, to be alone. I wanted a lonely world, where no one could disturb me or influence me in taking decision. So, as much as I loved loneliness I hated crowd and to some extent people out there talking about me. But, I guess it’s was not my destiny. I learned to live with some special people. But that part of me still urged for the loneliness. I don’t know why, but I knew somewhere deep down that I am going to be alone, and I desperately wanted to be alone, although I was happy. But I think to be happy or not, is not in our hand. I was happy, when I was what I not wanted to be, and now I am not happy when I am what I wanted to be, pretty complicated huh…

FOUR YEARS OF my college, made a drastic change in my personality. I wanted to be the person with I could not end up. I remember my first year when I was completely alone, the change started to come and I felt there is part of mine which is unhappy for being alone. So, much talk about being alone, I guess. Let’s take a leap on time and come to the point when I was not alone. I mean I was not in relationship, like love, but I had people around me who loved me and whom I loved. I wanted to be with them for my most part of the life. But…there are lots of buts in this story; I hope you’ll bear with that. The story always takes a turn. I passed my first year and then I was in second. That is when I met the most important person of my life. I spent rest of the days of colleges happily, like I was never before.

I WAS A happy man, with whatever I wanted. I was now not in love with loneliness. I thought perhaps the days of loneliness have passed. After that I never wanted to be alone. But 

again, there is something over which we don’t have any control. At the time of campus recruitment I left alone in a company in which none of my friend, good friend got selected. I was once again alone. I tried to live my rest of the days at college with full enjoyment. I knew I am going to be alone in few days. And that same part which urged loneliness was 

happy again. In fact I was a little bit happy too, I had expected this, that no one comes to our life for a life time.

BUT AS THE days are passing by right now, I feel very fortunate because I know how to be alone. But still, even though I like to be alone, sometimes it feels like there should be someone with whom I can talk freely. Most of my friends have already joined their companies, unfortunately my company is delaying in joining, and so I am here, at home writing this, expecting each moment that someone is still thinking about me. I look at my phone with great expectation whenever it beeps, I think that someone recalled my name in their conversation, but it hurts when I get to know that it is none other than our customer care. I know what I am doing, and I hate to do that, I am fighting with my best friend of back days, hating every part of it, I am fighting with loneliness. I don’t want to be what I am.