Thursday, November 17, 2011

The Opposite Of Love

Have you ever been irrelevant? Have you ever had the other person NOT notice you? Have you ever thought you were amazing, only to find out, they WEREN'T listening?

I’m not sure where I heard this but it seems to fit: “The opposite of love is not hate it’s apathy.”

I’m sure you’ve experienced it; a total lack of connection. In daily life we get it all the time: our friends don’t see us, our prospects don’t notice us, our bosses and colleagues don’t remember if we were there or not.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t like being irrelevant. So if this is such a common occurrence, why is it so traumatic? Is the opposite of love truly apathy … an unwillingness to connect?

Maybe it’s how we’re wired. Maybe if someone is passionate about you it sparks an engagement, a connection. Maybe that’s what we’re looking for after all: not love, or hate, or something in-between.
Maybe being relevant is what it’s all about, being passionate – being connected, even if that relevance is opposite from the belief system of the other.

We’ve seen it; two people who violently disagree, perhaps even hate each other, eventually have that passionate spark of disagreement turn into engagement. And of course we’ve seen it on the other side; agreeing passionately.

This happened to me the other day. I was irrelevant. The other person wasn’t mad, wasn’t upset, wasn’t frustrated … they weren’t anything. They didn’t answer my email, didn’t return my call, didn’t care to even explore the offer … they just didn’t … and I was irrelevant.

So here’s my question: “When was the last time you were irrelevant?” That’s a tough one to answer because usually it means taking a hard look at ourselves and asking “Why”. Why am I irrelevant? Is it them … maybe. Is it me … probably. Whatever I’m doing they don’t care about. So do you change what you’re doing to become more relevant in their world? Yes, No, Maybe.

You could decide NOT to play in their sandbox. But if you do … if you do decide to play in their sandbox, the only way to get them to love you (or hate you), is to do something important enough to be seen.

So go ahead … do something we’ll notice … be relevant … we dare you … and we’re waiting. :)


Brian Miller said...

i hear you and this stings when we go unnoticed...i always try to put myself in the shoes of the something going on that they are distracted...and did i acknowledge it or them or expect them to come to me?

Nona said...

So, you are back to relevant. :p

Nona said...

Oops.. typo...

So, you are back... to be relevant?

Madhulika said...

@Brian Miller : Its really very thoughtful of you to do it... but most of the people are not like you

@Nona : Yeah.. I am back now.. missed you people :)

Pat Hatt said...

Yeah sometimes there are many things going on at once and it is hard to notice everyone, but then some are just stuck in their own little world too.

Anonymous said...

I hear you, it makes you feel quite bad, worth nothing............but to be true I think some people are just this way. Most of the time I try to remember I mean something for some people.......and the rest goes by...
I hope you are well Madhulika and I am happy to read you again. Take care. xxx

aakash said...

I don't know.. lot of people to see, to meet, to connect... why take effort if the connection doesn't come naturally.. there's a lot ahead.. keep sailing, i would say..


♥Sie♥ said...

I was thinking about you just last night sis..I'm glad your back..I can really relate with your feelings Madhulika..I felt it soooooooo many really hurts and makes me sad..I was always telling myself too..I have done the best way I could..given my all but why do I still feel like I have been neglected and taken for granted..BUT we have to accept we can't please all of them..their are certain people in this world who doesn't know to appreciate the things we have done..well must go on ;)

To other people we maybe irrelevant but I know we are valuable and of one knows us better than ourselves and have touched lives through your have been a friend and a good daughter to your Mom so you are relevant sis..some people are just proud and arrogant hmp..they don't deserve you sis ;)

Vishakha said...

Not many people will agree to the fact that they "want" to be noticed. But somewhere inside, all of us crave to be "something" for someone. And it hurts more when you used to talk to a certain person for hours together and the other day you behave like you don't even exist for them. I have experienced it many times so I can perfectly relate tho this blog post. :)

Vishakha said...

Not many people will agree to the fact that they "want" to b noticed. Somewhere deep down in heart, all of us crave to be "something" for someone. It hurts more when you used to talk to a certain person for hours together and the other day they make you feel like you don't even exist. I have experienced it many times so I can relate to this blog post :)

its me!!! sharan :) said...

Hmm...I agree this..opposite of love is not hate...But sometime being irrelevant is not done by choice..maybe you think that since you are not getting a desired response that's why you are irrelevant..but the thing is, what I think, if we know ourselves that what we are doing is not irrelevant, then no matter what the response is, we should not think about it :)

Have a great weekend :)

stay connected!!!
its me!!! sharan :)

PS: good to see you back :)

Muhammad Israr said...

oh finally a post...i was really worried that my last post did the trick and have repelled all the readers of your blog and your blog is dead :P

this is one thing i hate the most and that is being not relevent...

Red Handed said...

I am confused but I think connecting with people has it risks...They have this attitude of backstabbign a lot you know..And what is gets too hard to define situations!

Madhulika said...

@Pat Hatt : I agree.. but still... you feel really bad is 'someone' starts ignoring when even when he/she means a lot to you

@MarieHarmony : I do it the same.. some mater while others dont...
Yeah am good.. hope you are doing good.. Its nice to be back with you people :)

@♥Sie♥ : I agree to your point sis... Its always nice to see points from your point of view..
Missed me loads... *Hugs*

@aakash : Will keep that in mind :)

@Vishakha : Thanks a lot for your comment.. Getting feedback from you is something I've always appreciated... *love*

@its me!!! sharan :) : well.. I dont really believe that you can always ignore things around when. Someday some people make you feel like the center of the world and the next day you dont even exist for them... Sometimes it gets too much to handle....
Its nice to be back with you people... :)

@Muhammad Israr : hehehe.. its didn't repelled anyone.. Its just that you got a lot of appreciations for your post so it made me lil jealous and i stopped blogging ;) LOL...
Anyways.. thanks again for your wonderful post and its nice to be back with you people :)

@Red Handed : I agree.. but still.. there is two sides to every story ;)

Divina Joy said...

I don't like to be irrelevant too. Mmm.. I can't remember the last time I was irrelevant. Maybe it is not important to me anymore now. Because now, I realize that even if I'm not relevant to that other person, I will always be relevant to my family.. My close friends.

To me, the only effort I should do to make me relevant to them is to make them relevant to me also.


kaykuala said...

Dear Madhulika,
Yes, food for thought! They see you or they see through you.If they see you then they're connecting. If they see through you then they see nothing in you that can make them remember you. And that makes you irrelevant to them. Either way as you have indicated you decide not them. You have to make yourself relevant and enjoy friendships and I subscribe to that!.


Brian Miller said...

i am unusual? smiles.

have a great friday.

Kunal said...

Ok..I am not entirely I feel about this. I have always thought of myself as not being dependent upon on others..the need to be accepted..the need to be relevant..Off course...there are times..when you hope the other person will feel your presence or would like to connect to you..or when you do not get response of calls, may bring a sense of 'being irrelevant'..but as long as we know ourselves ..we should not be too perturbed by it. Off course..i.e how I think... :)

Life Unordinary said...

How are you? Back from your small blogging hiatus? :)

Anonymous said...

Being irrelevant is not a bad thing after all... Um if you want to study people and just don't want anyone to talk to you apathy is the best damn thing...

Anonymous said...

awesome... n trust me...instead of just thinking that d other iz actually ignoring ew!! beter v do somthing that would make those dick crave..n let there desire touch the sky to 2 reconnect u... n when it happens... just kick those ass off... coz then they do not worth ew... right bapzz!!!

Ed Pilolla said...

feeling irrelevant sucks. and it hurts. but it's also a reminder that we probably will find more pain than happiness requiring the attention of another. it's not long in my past i couldn't get the time of day from someone i had a crush on, but that was ultimately my choice to give that kind of value to her.

Day-Dreamin' Optimist said...

The opposite of love isn't hate, it's apathy. Hmm...well that definitely puts a twist on perspective. You're right, it DOES sting when I go unnoticed. Anything would be better than being unnoticed.
This has made me think about things differently, thank you for your point of view on this! Remarkable post!

Rahul Bhatia said...

Remaining one's own self is I think the key! The actions speak louder than anything else.. so acting positively never goes unnoticed. So well written..

Mrsupole said...

Hi Madhulika,

I've been thinking about this and was not quite sure how to respond.

So here is my thoughts:

I think that person might have been having a bad day and just may not have been able to communicate their thoughts without upsetting you and so thought it best to wait until they could. Or they could have been so busy, possibly feeling ill and so many valid reasons of not contacting you. I think we have all done this to someone at one time or another but not because that person was not relevant to us.

And then maybe that person was also afraid of being judged by everyone as to what they were doing that day. I know people who ignore people that they are afraid of being judged because what they are doing is not something that person would approve of. And that just shows how relevant that person is to them.

Now here is another thought:

If you are not relevant to someone and they let you know it, well just forget them, they are not meant to be part of your life and we all come across people like that in our lives. The important thing is how you react to these people and the best thing you can do is to just let them go.

Throughout ones life, many people will come and go, very few will stay forever. This is when one discovers how important family will always be, they usually stay forever due to the family bond. One thinks that friends and co-workers will always be there but life moves too quickly for that to be true.

I also think that the most important person that one must be relevant to is oneself and with ones God. As long as you know you are worth something in God's eyes then nothing else matters. You are worth more than you will ever know to more people than you know, but you should learn this before you die and have a funeral to discover how relevant you are.

Anyway, I hope this helps you in your search of self-discovery.

And you are relevant to us, your blogging family.

God bless.

Anonymous said...

That happen at times... And it really depend on who they are. And what is the subject. Importaint or not..

Take a look here:

I hope you and other bloggers will join :) Collecting bloggers from here and there.

rivercat said...

yes youre right but thats life untilyou relate on a level above that like a simese twin

Madhulika said...

@Divina Joy : I agree :)

@kaykuala : its not about any radome person.. Its about people who ones used to be close to you but now you dont mean a thing to them.. :(

@Brian Miller : well.. now-a-days being good is also unusual ;)

@Kunal : I agree but if that person who is ignoring you is someone who means a lot to you then it gets way tougher..!!!

@Life Unordinary : Missed you people... so I am back ;)

@albusclosethedoor : I agree but i could again say that it hurts when people change all of a sudden..

@MADHURI : My sweet lil baby doll... don't be so hyper... LOL... will keep your suggestion in mind for sure ;)

@Ed Pilolla : I agree... and as far as giving time is concerned, I strongly believe that you are never so busy... its all just about priorities...

@Day-Dreamin' Optimist : I am glad you liked it.. Thanks a lot for stopping by :)

@Rahul Bhatia : Thanks a lot for stopping by and liking it :)

@Mrsupole : Your comments are always a treat for me. Love your way of seeing things..
It is definitely helping me... Thanks a lot for passing by...

@Ege : I'd love to connect.. Thanks for sharing the link :)

@rivercat : hehehe.. i agree to an point ;)

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