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Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Sometimes, all a man needs is a good beating

I wonder how feminists will react to the above headline. Yet, if I were a man and were to write about meting out similar treatment to women, all hell would break loose.
Don't get me wrong... I am not promoting violence of any sort against any person of any sex. But I AM thinking...

I, for one, have slapped at least 4-5 boys/men in my life. It was never because I wanted to hurt them but I had to because they did something to incite me to violence. The first time was aged 9 when this stupid boy kissed me on my cheeks. I clearly remember slapping him to save face. I was not embarrassed by the kiss, but was humiliated when the other kids laughed at me. So I hit him.

The next incident was aged 16, when this fat boy forcefully tried to take my number and follow me. I placed a cracking one on his cheek. I still remember his shocked face. He put a hand on the cheek I had slapped and simply walked away. Other reactions weren't that simple…

The autorickshaw driver I slapped in the face – with a hysterical friend screaming beside me – because I was sure he was trying to peep inside my dress… Aged 20.
A boy in my college who grabbed my hand and was forcefully making me see his point, when even though I was uncomfortable my guy friends said nothing and asked me to ignore the incident. I had fumed, followed the offender, turned him around and slapped him, even as a crowd of My College boys around me whistled and jeered, I was 19.
Another man in city buss, Jaipur, who– tried to catch hold of my breast when I was getting down from the buss even though he was my grandfathers age. I was 21.

And yet when I read reports about violence, it is always assumed that women are incapable of it. In fact women being violent against men takes on sexual tones. Not surprisingly, a Google search of ‘woman beat man’ primarily yielded results that included a fat man being spanked on a sexy woman’s knees and another that had a black man and a white woman sidling up to each other, her hand in his pants. Other image results were mostly toons.

I have never heard of any stories where a woman regularly beat up a man. Actually, no. I have heard one story. This friend’s mother used to regularly beat up –yes, literally beat up, she used a rolling pin I’m told – his father. I didn’t have the temerity to ask for reasons and found it quite hard to digest the story. Still do.

To be honest... After all the stories I've read and all the 'goggle' that i have done somehow it seems that even if a woman was violent, her violence is presumed to be directed more towards herself – self-mutilation etc – than towards other people.
And it makes me wonder. Apart from the difference in physical strength – men being stronger than women – why does violence from a woman surprise people? Is it because the worst is expected of men or is it because women are incapable of violence?

Or is that belief really changing?

PS: I am researching on something and thereby thinking woman and violence.

46 comments:

Asma Khan said...

Hmmm if woman does something violent to protect herself it should be called safety tricks... :P

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Rahul Bhatia said...

You are a gutsy girl! Bravo for sending the right message!

Red Handed said...

OMG! I wish I had the chance to beat up a guy. I have beaten up my brother, but he isnt included I guess. Playful hitting the boyfrnd, too isnt included! SIGH..So cool!
and yes Women are supposed or assumed to be timid and shy and would walk away rather than face an serious issue and raise her hands.

DWei said...

Because women still have the stereotype of being gentle, weak and fragile characteristics. We've all be brought up on those ideals so it still remains in our beliefs to some degree.

So when a woman does break that stereotype, it's a bit of a shock.

ChaCha said...

Yay! You slapped plenty of people already!wow girl :) I've never slapped someone in my entire life. haha! I think people surprise when a woman fight since maybe they're thinking we women are not capable of it.

MarieHarmony said...

Interesting subject.......unfortunately I think some men are victims of domestic violence too but it is not said openly because Yes the idea is men are strong (and maybe more disturbed in their minds than women). But to be true I have some examples in front of me and I cam say it's not always the case, some women are capable of worse things than men.

Have a good day!

Mrsupole said...

Hi Madhulika,

Okay, be prepared again.

Women can make men look like they do not have a clue as to what is violence. It is just that women keep it a bigger secret and men help to keep it a secret. But I will also say that it takes something incredibly bad to bring out the violence in most women. We are not violent just to be violent, which I think is what a lot of men happen to be.

It is said that there is no more of a protective instinct than a mother protecting her young ones. Ask any woman what she would do to anyone trying to harm her child and you will get answers that will surprise you. A mother will be more violent than any man could ever be if her child were truly in harms way.

Plus if you study just about every other species on the planet you will find that the female is almost always the more violent of the two. Many of the females kill the male after mating, although there are a few males that do it too, there are many more females then males.

Even the female lions are said to out hunt the male lions and are more ferocious than the males. A female bear will attack anything that she thinks might harm her cubs. I would imagine that there are many, many examples of this out in nature and a human mother is no different than any other creature out there.

I also think that we are better at suppressing our inner violence because we also know that harming and killing one another is not a good way to procreate our species. We have learned that love and friendship are better for our children and so we try to pass those tendencies on to them.

It is funny though that throughout history there has always been stories of a Amazon Tribe of Women who are fierce warriors and able to beat men at fighting wars. Have you ever wondered why this legend has continued for hundreds of years? Could there have been such a tribe of women? Or is there just a little bit of an Amazon Tribal Warrior inside every female today and she only lets it out when necessary?

In all seriousness, I do wonder why there are groups of men who try to suppress the rights of women in their religion and their country. I will not name names but most of us know about them. What is there about women that scare them so much that they want their women to be uneducated and hidden from the world? But we have also seen that the women who belong to these men can carry a violent side to them that the rest of us women never release. There must be so much hatred in their hearts to be willing to kill others who are innocent of the crimes they think they are killing for.

I guess my answer to whether women can be violent is an absolute yes.

As to if you were being violent in what I read that you did. The answer is pretty much not really because you were actually just defending yourself against offenses done to you. And I would say that they each got off pretty mildly considering what a few were trying to do to you. And you should have kicked a few of them in their b****, and if one ever tries it again then let them know that the next time they will be dropped to the ground in pain. And if they have a problem with that then tell them to talk to me. After all I am trained in how to shoot a weapon and can beat most men in Target Practice, even moving ones. The military does seem to take training very seriously.

Am calming down now, but I know if I had been trained then the attempts on me would have never happened. (I did get away) And all women would be safer. And I guess if a man is going to be violent to a female then it would be a good thing for her to be more violent then he is.

Just a very complicated subject that I hope I have not totally messed your mind up with what I wrote.

God bless. And may God protect all the women and children out there from those who choose to inflict violence upon them. Amen!!

Madhulika said...

@Asma Khan : May be.. but then what would call things when a male is regularly bashed up by a female?

@Rahul Bhatia : Thanks a lot Rahul.. I hope this will convey the right message to both men as well as women ;)

@Red Handed : As long as you are at home you dont face such things... but trust me... Once you move out and are all on yourself will find such despo males all around you and then you'll not be left with any option but to slap them straight across their face...

@DWei : May be is all I can say ;)

@ChaCha : If you really wanna meet such jerks then please come to India and travel in a local city buss... You'll get to slap many a** holes who would try to be over touchy ;)

@MarieHarmony : I agree to your point... But what I am saying is why is it a shock for people... I find things really confusing at times.

@Mrsupole : I totally agree to what you say about female being more violent in nature...
But still the question is that even when a female is harassed and dominated when she comes back with violence. who do people find it so shocking..
I find it both weird and sick about how some males treat women just as sex objects..
I am talking terms to some men who while talking instead so seeing in the eye stares the b**bs..!!! I am really sick.. and I believe that after facing all this shit if a women turns to be violent then it is the right thing that should have been done...
No matter how shocked society is... You should hand up to your rights and bang any jack asses head who crosses his limits..
Females should never ever take all the shit that man offers silently

Mrsupole said...

Amen to that. I think I said the same thing in a little different way. I try to take no crap from any man and no woman should either.

You go girl, keep up the fight and tell them where your brains are. Just tell th boobs are just containers of fat.

You are strong, you are woman. That is why women have the babies, men could not handle the pain. And slap and kick the next pervert in the b**** and if necessary again. They should all be on jail.

God bless

♥Sie♥ said...

hahaha..nothing wrong with it as long as it is with a valid reason..self defense I wouldn't regret doing one..I can even kick him if he tries to rape me or so..

Sis women are more patient than Men..and usually when we are angered we don't go to the extent of being violent at once..we go blah blah hehehe..but women can be violent too when pushed and forced to do so.

When a woman becomes violent it just means she has reached her limits..but then again..there are women who are really into hurting people..maybe not physically but emotionally..hunting for revenge.

why sis..want to slap another one? hehehe ;)

Pat Hatt said...

It is either because of the general stereotype spread throughout the ages of women being gentle and all that stuff. Or it's because men think they are oh so superior and stronger when it comes to strength and such. Prob a little of both.

And after seeing some of those photos from your search, I'd have to wash my eyes out..haha

Muhammad Israr said...

well i guess naturally women are not violent and they try to remain peaceful and ignore things... yes you are right..its very rare woman beating a man... i have not heard any thing like that a woman beating a man regularly...

MADDY said...

Bapz... all that comes into my mind right now is "aishwarya rai" in the movie "provoked"

The fact is- women are actually physically weeker than men....bt when it comes to humiliation(violence) by a female to a male....trust me "unki patlun gili par jati hai"...LMAO!!

Our culture does not allow men to express emotions openly, some men will channel emotions of sorrow through other tougher emotions(so beware of such crazy, insane men coz all that matters to them is self esteem...) But some turn to private releases of humiliation, sorrow and fear.. etc etc!!! Whether it be in the confinement of one’s room at night or in the backseat of one’s car, these emotions are never shown in open.
In shot, they r helpless once you attack, so girls go ahead... go BANG those dicks who abused you physically or mentally!!!
do not hesitate...Just "DHISHUMMMMMMmmmmm"

Madhulika said...

@Mrsupole : Thanks a lot for your kind words... Its always nice to hear from you... stay connected :)
*much love*

@♥Sie♥ : Naah Sis... I dont want to hit anyone. I just wish 'males' would be little decent with females and if they fail to do so they will have to pay for it ;)

@Pat Hatt : hehehe.. good to occasionally wash out your eyes ;)
and even i guess its a little mixture of both ;)

@Muhammad Israr : that's the point... even though it is rare, it happens when a female is pushed to a point when she cant tolerate things anymore... But the question is.. why do people still take on a different note???

Madhulika said...

@MADDY : Now that's like my bold and beautiful dixit :)

Cloud Nine said...

Very insightful! Yes, i too have slapped a few nosy ones;) Mostly the offenders irritate us to the max possible limit and we just explode. The reactions to the slaps is not always easy and cool, trust me:( Still, the violence in me sheers its blades when it is kindled- behest of the idiots who ask for it:P

Alka Gurha said...

Women are quite capable of violence..its the physical strength which tilts the scales for men.And honestly, some men...I repeat some men on some occasions need a good whack...
Way to go girl.Proud of you.

DIDI said...

well in you case you did it coz you reacted to actions by the opposite but the ones that are considered a crime are the women who constantly beat their men Up. We all act surprise when a women beat a man coz we all know how fragile women are :)

beanizer_05 said...

i remember one article i found in yahoo, the guy cried against britney for sexual harassment,,all he got was insulting comments from the readers, i myself didn't believe it..

anyways, i understand those jerky behavior of men could push any woman to beat/slap them,.i suggest however, if possible, you could use some instruments (if available) rather than hurting your bare hands. I mean, something peaceful like..smashing a bottle on his head, splashing a boiling water on his face, hitting his head with an encyclopedia.. *wide grin*

Sagittarian said...

Hi, this is my first time here, and I'm glad to say I enjoy your site and your post so much! Especially comments of your friends here, this site is so alive!:) About the topic,sometimes we really need to show that we can kick them too so that they know that man and woman are just the same and we (woman)are not entitled to get hurt or beaten by them, but we are created to be loved.:) Thanks fro sharing us this post! Have a great day/evening out there!:)

Life Unordinary said...

5 slaps!! I don't think I have even one under my belt... unfortunately. On a more serious note - women were and still are deemed to be the "weaker sex" (and how I hate that phrase)and for that reason alone, violence from women is shocking.

Nona said...

Good luck with your research. I am not an expert to talk about women and violence. But one thing for sure, you are a serial man-slapper. :p

Anil Choudhary said...

......?

R. Ramesh said...

omg superb post yar madhu..laughed as well as made me think..i am baap of 2 daughters, so can fully understd what u mean..and funnily, i kept remembering my houseowner in mumbai at ghatkopar...the poor guy used to be hammered by wife, who was double his size..omg..long story..v will talk if v get to meet..dont worry i will stand 10 foot away to avoid a slap from u, hahaha

R. Ramesh said...

omg superb post yar madhu..laughed as well as made me think..i am baap of 2 daughters, so can fully understd what u mean..and funnily, i kept remembering my houseowner in mumbai at ghatkopar...the poor guy used to be hammered by wife, who was double his size..omg..long story..v will talk if v get to meet..dont worry i will stand 10 foot away to avoid a slap from u, hahaha

albusclosethedoor said...

I agree with the violence part though a slap isn't forceful enough punch the assholes and beat the crap about of them!

MADDY said...

THANK YOU MY DEAR BAPZ!! <3 Eww!!!

♥Sie♥ said...

hello sis just passing by for the fourth time..how are you? I hope your well ;)

Shreya said...

This is it, this is exactly what I wanted to read. I completely agree with your post. :) Good going, God bless :)

You slapped, I am glad to know this ;)

http://www.iredeem.blogspot.com/

albusclosethedoor said...

Actually its because worst is expected of men... Usually when the term "man" is used the image of a muscle headed moron comes to mind whose answer to everything is violence

kaykuala said...

Madhu,
Good for them! You might not have been the first victim.They may be shocked but served them right! But be careful though!

Hank

mbka said...

you seem to be the G-ONE (g-good girl one) vehemently beating up all those ra-one (bad guys):P :D........well done i salute

plz drop by my blog and read this epigram:
http://campbuzzz.blogspot.com/2011/12/ode-to-exam.html

Ed Pilolla said...

haha:) the slap is an attempt to communicate something important, seems to me. problem is, violence is interpreted differently by different people, especially those on the receiving end. and so many of us have issues that we experience violence differently than the next person. i had a boss who was beaten by his wife, regularly. but man on woman violence accounts for the vast majority of domestic violence, i am pretty durn certain.

i think the photo is utterly hysterical:)

♫♪♥PhilO♥♪♫ said...

Some men do deserve a beating :) The ones who are always wagging their tongue out!
No doubt I've seen women removing their slippers and hitting men :P

Nice post :)

Madhulika said...

@Cloud Nine : I agree.... No one likes to slap... but yet they really leave us with no other option but to hit them hard..

@Alka Gurha : Thanks a lot... Nice to hear from people like you who understands

@DIDI : But still... sometimes men really need a good whack...!!!

@beanizer_05 : Hehehe... thanks a lot for the ideas.... I'd also love to use a pepper spray ;)

@Sagittarian : Thanks a lot for stopping by... It means a lot to me.. hope to stay connected :)

@Life Unordinary : I guess now its the time to change the phrase :)

@Nona : Hahahaha.. I'll take it as a compliment ;)

@Anil Choudhary : All a part of life :(

@R. Ramesh : I'd love to hear the story of your houseowner at ghatkopar... ;)

@albusclosethedoor : Loved your comment :)

@♥Sie♥ : well.. lil busy these days.. but dont worry... I am good.. :) *Love*

@Shreya : Thanks a lot for stopping by... It means a lot to me :)

@kaykuala : I'll take care... thanks a lot for your concern :)

@mbka : Thanks a lot for stopping by.. it means a lot to me.. will definitely love to stay connected :)

@Ed Pilolla : I agree completely... and yeah.. I love the picture ;)

LeoPaw said...

Good one. According to me its not matter of who is capable of slapping or controlling some1 with power. What matters is the ability of both the sexes to respect each other and live in harmony. Then where will the question of violence arise?

Thought the rest of them deserved the the feel of your palm on their faces, the poor little 9 year boy was too innocent for it.

Brian Miller said...

huh i like that you are making us think today...you are right in that if a man had made the statement or slapped his wife there would be law enforcement on the scene...let a woman hit a man and we think little of the man...hmm...i wonder with gender roles changing if that will change at all. the legal definition of assault would make her just as guilty, but i wonder if a man would be willing to put his reputation on the line to charge her

Ege said...

Hi, Sorry about the problem with the translator. I have two now, because I'm waiting for this with flags to be repair. The google translator under works :) I hope ;) Big hug for you :)

SATVIKI said...

Nice article you have written...Keep posting

Brinda Kulkarni said...

this is so totally true! men do deserve beating! specially those who cannot keep it in their pants!i could connect to this piece in particular. i am one of those women, who has slapped a man for attempted molestation! it is just gross!the whole memory of it, makes you wanna throw up.
and for the bit where you wanted opinion, I think, people all around think that women, like you said, are incapable of, beating up a man. and when she does, they are surprised, because they grew up seeing women all around them, being beaten up, or they saw women, who treated men like Gods of some sort. so when you don't worship him anymore, you are almost kind of thrown out of the tribe.. into some sort of exile or something.. just because you did something, out of the usual, and something right. lets just say it is hard for them to believe what is true.

R. Ramesh said...

buddy...u liked the donkey foto!!!! i was thinking of using my pic for the post hahah...how u doing yar? take care best wishes

Inspector Saahab said...

good post again. this is an eye-opening post. people should think about what you tried to convey,the message.

and you've done a great job protecting yourself.

more power to you. take care :)

sumukh bansal said...

i literally laughed when i read the catchy title of your post...

but after reading content i can say that yes Sometimes, all a man needs is a good beating ..

srikrishnadas said...

I came across your post.. and wondered if my post answers some of your questions.. directly or indirectly.

Take a look and let me know?

http://srikrishnadas.wordpress.com/2013/01/01/can-a-woman-rape-a-man/

Anonymous said...

Google 'Girl gang beats up helpless ex-soldier Steven Orford'...

Being in his shoes is my ultimate sexual fantasy!

-- John

Anonymous said...

You can become hitten by me!
It's verry crazy how men like a good beating by a women, but better they then uss ;-)

My holy turtle, men are really not right in mind. I think I should offer any men a beating, I wonder how much want this....

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