Friday, December 23, 2011

I Hate To Say Goodbye, But I Love To Watch You Walk Away...

Dear 2011,

Just after eight days you would come to an end... So this is a wee note to say goodbye. I enjoyed every minute with you, you were the year I got my nerve back, my confidence donned a bonnet and started to dance, on the inside mostly, but dancing none the less. I had many adventures, saw so many new places and took chances, not all of it worked out how I would have liked, but what do you know, I'm still standing.

I hate to replace you, but 2012 is just around the corner, tempting me and trying to steal me away like a new best friend in the playground. But before we part, it's important to me that you know you are special, of all the years in recent memory, you are my favourite. You got me writing, travelling and taking chances again and for that, you will be forever treasured.

Mostly, you really taught me to not look back, to always look forward and so, I say adieu...

Yours sincerely,
Me :)

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Wish Upon A Star

I have a small black bag filled with powder, well more like dust really. A magic kind of dust squeezed from the wings of pixies and fairies. A quick pinch of dust liberally sprinkled over your hair and viola … you now get one wish. You can have anything you want, but only one thing, and only for one night. What would you wish for? If you could have/do/experience just one thing before your old clock runs out, what would it be?

It’s an interesting question. Mostly because you only get it for one day, one night, one rotation of the Earth.

You can wish for riches, but they’ll evaporate at midnight. And what would you buy anyways … for a day...
You can wish for fame, but you turn back into Cinderella … or Cinderfella … when the clock strikes 12.

All surface pleasures just seem unimportant when you’ve only got 24 hours to go.
If you’re ill, you’d probably wish to be well, just for a day.
If you miss someone you’d probably wish they were back in your life, if only for a day.
If there was one decision in your life you could re-live, you’d probably think differently, if only for that turn of the clock.

So here’s my question: “Can you live tomorrow, and take one quick moment, one quick breath, and wish upon a star?” Can you take today and see if there’s something you’re going to wish for many years from now, when you really only have 24 hours left, and not just wish upon a star, but rather make that dream come true?

Waiting to get your answers :) :)

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Sometimes, all a man needs is a good beating

I wonder how feminists will react to the above headline. Yet, if I were a man and were to write about meting out similar treatment to women, all hell would break loose.
Don't get me wrong... I am not promoting violence of any sort against any person of any sex. But I AM thinking...

I, for one, have slapped at least 4-5 boys/men in my life. It was never because I wanted to hurt them but I had to because they did something to incite me to violence. The first time was aged 9 when this stupid boy kissed me on my cheeks. I clearly remember slapping him to save face. I was not embarrassed by the kiss, but was humiliated when the other kids laughed at me. So I hit him.

The next incident was aged 16, when this fat boy forcefully tried to take my number and follow me. I placed a cracking one on his cheek. I still remember his shocked face. He put a hand on the cheek I had slapped and simply walked away. Other reactions weren't that simple…

The autorickshaw driver I slapped in the face – with a hysterical friend screaming beside me – because I was sure he was trying to peep inside my dress… Aged 20.
A boy in my college who grabbed my hand and was forcefully making me see his point, when even though I was uncomfortable my guy friends said nothing and asked me to ignore the incident. I had fumed, followed the offender, turned him around and slapped him, even as a crowd of My College boys around me whistled and jeered, I was 19.
Another man in city buss, Jaipur, who– tried to catch hold of my breast when I was getting down from the buss even though he was my grandfathers age. I was 21.

And yet when I read reports about violence, it is always assumed that women are incapable of it. In fact women being violent against men takes on sexual tones. Not surprisingly, a Google search of ‘woman beat man’ primarily yielded results that included a fat man being spanked on a sexy woman’s knees and another that had a black man and a white woman sidling up to each other, her hand in his pants. Other image results were mostly toons.

I have never heard of any stories where a woman regularly beat up a man. Actually, no. I have heard one story. This friend’s mother used to regularly beat up –yes, literally beat up, she used a rolling pin I’m told – his father. I didn’t have the temerity to ask for reasons and found it quite hard to digest the story. Still do.

To be honest... After all the stories I've read and all the 'goggle' that i have done somehow it seems that even if a woman was violent, her violence is presumed to be directed more towards herself – self-mutilation etc – than towards other people.
And it makes me wonder. Apart from the difference in physical strength – men being stronger than women – why does violence from a woman surprise people? Is it because the worst is expected of men or is it because women are incapable of violence?

Or is that belief really changing?

PS: I am researching on something and thereby thinking woman and violence.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

The Opposite Of Love

Have you ever been irrelevant? Have you ever had the other person NOT notice you? Have you ever thought you were amazing, only to find out, they WEREN'T listening?

I’m not sure where I heard this but it seems to fit: “The opposite of love is not hate it’s apathy.”

I’m sure you’ve experienced it; a total lack of connection. In daily life we get it all the time: our friends don’t see us, our prospects don’t notice us, our bosses and colleagues don’t remember if we were there or not.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t like being irrelevant. So if this is such a common occurrence, why is it so traumatic? Is the opposite of love truly apathy … an unwillingness to connect?

Maybe it’s how we’re wired. Maybe if someone is passionate about you it sparks an engagement, a connection. Maybe that’s what we’re looking for after all: not love, or hate, or something in-between.
Maybe being relevant is what it’s all about, being passionate – being connected, even if that relevance is opposite from the belief system of the other.

We’ve seen it; two people who violently disagree, perhaps even hate each other, eventually have that passionate spark of disagreement turn into engagement. And of course we’ve seen it on the other side; agreeing passionately.

This happened to me the other day. I was irrelevant. The other person wasn’t mad, wasn’t upset, wasn’t frustrated … they weren’t anything. They didn’t answer my email, didn’t return my call, didn’t care to even explore the offer … they just didn’t … and I was irrelevant.

So here’s my question: “When was the last time you were irrelevant?” That’s a tough one to answer because usually it means taking a hard look at ourselves and asking “Why”. Why am I irrelevant? Is it them … maybe. Is it me … probably. Whatever I’m doing they don’t care about. So do you change what you’re doing to become more relevant in their world? Yes, No, Maybe.

You could decide NOT to play in their sandbox. But if you do … if you do decide to play in their sandbox, the only way to get them to love you (or hate you), is to do something important enough to be seen.

So go ahead … do something we’ll notice … be relevant … we dare you … and we’re waiting. :)

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

And We Had Dinner (Guest Post 3)

A few days ago, one of my friends got a lucrative job in a university. To celebrate the occasion, we decided to go for a lavish dinner at some restaurant. Of course, he was to pay the bill. After a long debate over what to eat and where to go, finally we decided on having a buffet dinner at a near-by restaurant. The date, time and venue were decided and everyone was to arrive at the exact time on their own.

I and my one friend live in a hostel so we decided to go together. We reached at 9pm at the venue. Total of 7 people gathered. But we were in for a surprise. We were told that there is no buffet as outdoor lawns are closed due to the Dengue epidemic. So we had to sit indoors. Searching the menu and everybody wanted to order their own choice. I ordered what I wanted. And as it is normally take about half an hour so we were thinking to sit and chit chat for a while. But our friend had other plans.
He stopped the waiter before he could place the orders.
He asked him to bring the bill in advance! The poor waiter was as much flabbergasted as we were
because the normal thing was to eat first and they pay later. But our friend insisted and so the bill arrived. It was about PKR 3500 (about US$ 40). Well not that much given the lucrative job he got. But as we were still dumbfounded by this act, our friend rushed out of the restaurant. Only after reaching for the door, with jerk of the head, he asked us to follow him. Left with no option, we had to move out leaving the waiter and everybody aghast.

We were thinking that may be our friend realized the money was too much and he wanted us to eat
at some less expensive place. One of us suggested that may be our friend left his wallet and therefore, was unable to pay. Our minds churning out different theories, we tried to reach him. He was moving with a faster pace. We asked him what had happened. We even put our theories in front of him. But he remained silent. Now we were really fuming with anger. What was that? That was like an insult to us. We thought of complete social boycott of him. But he was unmoved.

After walking for like a half kilometer, he entered into a dark corner. We were suspicious. Could he be kidnapping all of us? Or was he into some criminal activities? Or even worse, was he doing something immoral there? Everybody would have thought like that if were in the same situation. It was a dark night, with no electricity and being in a place far from human population, we were bound to be skeptical. Anyway, we followed him and reaching the corner, we could see some light probably a candle or a lantern there. And in that light, we could recognize there were humans. Who were they? Children kidnapped by these criminals? Or the ones used for begging and illegal organ transplant? One never knows with places like these.

We continued to move on and now we could clearly see the faces. It was a family consisting of an elderly woman, with a man, probably her husband, lying on the floor, apparently ill. On the other side were an infant with no clothes, and then there was an ultra-slim teenage girl, obviously malnourished. They were telling our friend that they had no lunch and dinner that day and the infant was unable to sleep because of hunger. Our friend took out his wallet, gave her PKR 3500 and left.

We were spellbound for the second time that night. This time, we were ashamed of ourselves. For
not having dinner at that restaurant, how much dirty and evil thoughts we had in that little time. On the way back, we didn’t speak at all. He offered us to dine at another less expensive restaurant on the way. But we could not. We were not hungry anymore. It was around mid-night when we reached our hostel. And I could not sleep that night. I often have had that feeling that instead of eating something very expensive at a very expensive place, one can satiate their hunger with something less expensive.
And I do that almost every day. But the money I “save” this way remains in my pocket. I never thought of giving the money “saved” to someone who cannot afford even a simple meal a day. And I think that night, the dinner which we didn’t have, was the most gourmet dinner that I can ever have in my life.

-Muhammad Israr

P.S. Thanks a lot for this lovely post Israr. I loved it completely but I am really sorry for publishing it little late :(
and for all of you you loved it.. do check out The Way You Make Me Feel, Its one of my personal favorites at Israr's Misterio Vida :)

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Nothing is Random (Guest Post 2)

First, I would like to say thank you to Madhulika for inviting me to do this guest post and congratulate her as well on achieving the 100 followers. That is quite the milestone. I did not even want to start blogging, but at the encouragement of a friend, I did. If you look at my numbers now you probably would not believe it, but after nine months of blogging I had 35 followers. It was not until well into my second year of blogging when it really caught on and I figured some things out.
Mostly my early pieces are stories or tidbits of life but then a year and a half into my blog a commentor challenged me to write poetry. I had not written poetry since college, but tried my hand at it. Two years later, I have been published, featured in magazines, won the Twitter Art award in New York, performed pieces on stage, co-created several successful online poetry venues, the current one being dVerse Poets Pub.

Life can be funny like that, twisting and turning in directions you never saw coming. Not only is this true in my blogging world, but it holds true in my every day walk around life as well. I am nowhere near where I thought I would be at 38, but that is not necessarily a bad thing. Everything that I have gone through, every high and every adversity has helped mold who I am today. Through it all I do hold onto a truth and that is "Nothing is random," everything happens for a purpose.

I chose a poem to share with you that I wrote almost eighteen months ago. It is a favorite of mine that I often go back to and reread for a little encouragement of my own. I hope you enjoy and congrats once again Madhulika.

Girl On The 7:15 Train

across the body packed aisle
of the 7:15 train,
unbelievably, our eyes meet
and i read a poem,
in their endless green.

i would write it for you
but then it would be
open for interpretation,
twisting what makes them
truly spectacular, into dross.

that's what we do
with poems &
other beautiful things,
deconstruct them until
all that's left is old
shoe boxes full of
miscellaneous parts
and no way to put them
back together again.

doors swish open with a hiss
of compressed air & we
exit, going our separate ways,
me to work, you
snuggled tight to your
mother's shoulder &
i twiddle my fingers,
deciding to keep your eyes,
an unfathomable green,
only for me.

P.S. Thanks a lot Brian... I totally loved your effort to write this post for me.... Much love :)

Sunday, October 9, 2011


 Jayendra Sharan is a wonderful bloggers who does not fear to share his true experience with the world... It was very sweet of him to pen down this post for me... This is a wonderful post because i feel at some point or the other we all face loneliness.. Check it out and i am sure that you'll be able to relate yourself to it...
Thanks a lot Sharan... :) :)

WHEN I KNEW that I am going to start my life, my life, on my own, I chose what’s best for me. I had to set priorities and had to take decisions like what is more important for me. I set standards for my life. And the part that I always loved till now was my first priority, to be alone. I wanted a lonely world, where no one could disturb me or influence me in taking decision. So, as much as I loved loneliness I hated crowd and to some extent people out there talking about me. But, I guess it’s was not my destiny. I learned to live with some special people. But that part of me still urged for the loneliness. I don’t know why, but I knew somewhere deep down that I am going to be alone, and I desperately wanted to be alone, although I was happy. But I think to be happy or not, is not in our hand. I was happy, when I was what I not wanted to be, and now I am not happy when I am what I wanted to be, pretty complicated huh…

FOUR YEARS OF my college, made a drastic change in my personality. I wanted to be the person with I could not end up. I remember my first year when I was completely alone, the change started to come and I felt there is part of mine which is unhappy for being alone. So, much talk about being alone, I guess. Let’s take a leap on time and come to the point when I was not alone. I mean I was not in relationship, like love, but I had people around me who loved me and whom I loved. I wanted to be with them for my most part of the life. But…there are lots of buts in this story; I hope you’ll bear with that. The story always takes a turn. I passed my first year and then I was in second. That is when I met the most important person of my life. I spent rest of the days of colleges happily, like I was never before.

I WAS A happy man, with whatever I wanted. I was now not in love with loneliness. I thought perhaps the days of loneliness have passed. After that I never wanted to be alone. But 
again, there is something over which we don’t have any control. At the time of campus recruitment I left alone in a company in which none of my friend, good friend got selected. I was once again alone. I tried to live my rest of the days at college with full enjoyment. I knew I am going to be alone in few days. And that same part which urged loneliness was 
happy again. In fact I was a little bit happy too, I had expected this, that no one comes to our life for a life time.

BUT AS THE days are passing by right now, I feel very fortunate because I know how to be alone. But still, even though I like to be alone, sometimes it feels like there should be someone with whom I can talk freely. Most of my friends have already joined their companies, unfortunately my company is delaying in joining, and so I am here, at home writing this, expecting each moment that someone is still thinking about me. I look at my phone with great expectation whenever it beeps, I think that someone recalled my name in their conversation, but it hurts when I get to know that it is none other than our customer care. I know what I am doing, and I hate to do that, I am fighting with my best friend of back days, hating every part of it, I am fighting with loneliness. I don’t want to be what I am.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Woo-hoo..!!! Celebration Post..!!! :) :)


Actually, I got to 100 followers today all excited {triple digits for this lil ol' thing?? really ??}

I feel like taking a moment to celebrate the readers of this blog. You guys! I don't much acknowledge that more and more people are finding Madhulika Speaks a cozy space to drop in on, and that makes me happy! Some of you know me personally, and a lot of you just via the blogosphere. I love sharing little pieces of my life, my family, and my endless projects with you, and am glad you enjoy it.

Truth is, I'd blog even if just for myself because I get to babble everything here :)
But it's fun to have a growing readership, and really fun to occasionally run into someone who tells me, "I read your blog!" :D :D :D

I really Love all of you and I want to tell you people that its because of you that this blog has become so dear to me :)
Seriously, it is.

So I was thinking what I could do to celebrate 100 followers...

I could always give $100 to one of my subscribers?

Nah. That's stupid. I barely have money as it is, why the crap would I do that?

I could always give my 100th subscriber a steak dinner?

That's even dumber, why would I treat my subscribers to a steak dinner? I rarely have a steak dinner. ;)

So after careful thinking, I have decided to give a proper Indian lunch to ANY ONE of my followers whom I get to meet personally (I know its crazy, but its fun).

And apart from the lunch I am also looking forward for at-least two guest posts from my followers or any (random) reader of my blog..!!!

So, if anyone is interested in writing a post for my blog then please come forward and become a part of my celebration.. I would really LOVE it...!!!

Please contact me to show your interest by dropping a mail at

Hoping to hear from you soon :) :) :)


P.S. -   I'll post the guest posts by 8th of October :)
P.P.S.- Because of your overwhelming response to the guest post, I have increased the guest posts from Two to Five..!!!! Love you all loads..!!!  

Monday, September 26, 2011

As if I Care....

You can call me an old fashioned girl but that what I am... I am just so sick of people who keep finding faults with me... I believe that the best thing that you can do in life is follow your heart. I don't mind taking risks. I never take the safe and easy choices just because I'm afraid of what might happen. I don't have any regrets and I know that everything happens for a reason...

If people like me its good and if not then its even better...
But just for God's sake.. cant people stop making me feel that I need to earn their god damn piece of shit that they call love ??? errrrr...

I have been sweet to people all my life and yet they (intentionally or unintentionally) say mean words to me...
There are lot of people in my life who keeps giving me suggestions about how I should change myself and be successful in life... and trust me.. those suggestions are not worth anything...

So.. I wanna say this to all the 'pain in the ass' people who is making my life hell for me... "I could say a lot of things on your face only if I would have been ass holes like you.. But I am me.. so I respect your opinions (even if they are worth less)... I am glad you've got opinions. We're all entitled to 'em... But you know what... I never asked..!!!
So thank you so much for time and it would be wonderful if you people wouldn't waste any more of mine... Get the fuck out of my life fast...."

I am me, and I am okay with it. It doesn't matter what any other person thinks. My life is entirely mine…. I love being myself.

I take chances... in fact a lot of them. Because honestly, no matter where I end up- and with whom, it always ends up just the way it should be. My mistakes have made me who I am... I learn and grow with each choice I make. Let me live my life cause everything is so totally worth it.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

A Letter To Myself...

Dear me,

I am writing this letter to save you from all the tough times. I know you never really wanted to move here (Jaipur). Since the last three years all your friends and family heard was how much you wanted to move back. Back "home." Back to where you were born. But various reasons kept you where you are.

Now its all about the remaining few months and then you'll be back to the place you always wanted to be in... But, I know that leaving this place is no longer easy for you now. 'moving out' was something you always wanted... But suddenly the fear of moving out of this place is haunting you. I understand that you have spent some very memorable times of your life over here, this place has started feeling like home to you. But you have to be strong.. this is life and you have to leave many things behind.

Don't you remember how many things life taught you in the last three years... You have lost some of your best friends. Even the ones you thought would never leave. You grappled for days and searched for meanings. You examined your actions a hundred million times.

I know it hurt you a lot but now I want you to know that it will happen again and again. I am waiting for the day when you will realise that you have only behaved with utmost respect and you have only been the most sincere friend.

You have done everything you could. You will realise that the ones who walk away truly do not deserve your love. You will realise that time changes every single thing. You will also realise that some amazing people will enter your life, simply because you will eventually let go the past.

I know there are several things on your mind now and it keeps bothering you. But, I want you to Wait.... be patient, and find out what YOU want of life, not what someone tells you you want, and give yourself time to find YOURSELF. Love yourself first before loving another person - if you don't love yourself, you will settle for less than what you should have, because you won't think you deserve the best.

I wish you find your true love soon... and yeah... True love doesn't make you cry. If he makes you cry, don't stay with him. Find someone who can love you unconditionally and who doesn't judge you.

One day you will have the life that you have always envisioned of and then you'll finally realise that the only thing that matters in the long run is spending time with your loved ones and telling them that you love them a lot. You will also realise that laughing a lot, exercising, eating healthy,being kind to others as well as yourself and cherishing each and every day will indeed pay off.

So just let go... This all will not matter really fifteen years from now :)

Much love,

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Just Let It be...

Last few days I had been avoiding people (even my family..!!!) because there was something that was bothering me a lot. I spent all my time the last few days waiting for a chance or the break that would make it okay. But there was always some reason not to feel good and it was hard at the end of the day.

I needed some distraction or a beautiful release. So finally I decided to call up my friend because I thought she would make it easy for me (its always good to talk to friends when you are upset), she could make me feel empty and weightless :) :)

And Trust me... she had a mantra to deal with things which are beyond our control.
"Let it be" she says.

She offered no advice, she did not attempt to give suggestions and she did not even pass judgements about whether I was doing the right thing or whether something else ought to have been done. She did not sympathise and did not say "Life is unfair" or that the other person was wrong or that it is a bummer.

She just listened patiently instead and she said, "Let it be."

And you know what? Surprisingly it worked...!!!

So, the next time, when things go wrong, do not send out negativity into the universe.

Just let it be.

Do nothing.

Breathe deeply. Relax. Drink a glass of water (or hot chocolate). Go to a place which fills you with peace and comfort. Call a friend who exudes positivity.

But mostly, Just let it be :) :)

Saturday, September 3, 2011

10 Weird Things I wanna do before I die ;)

Some days back one of my friends tagged me on facebook on a picture that said "what if you die tomorrow".. There was a hell lot comments on it... People were making their bucket lists that were pretty emotional ;)
But here I came up with my list :D I believe in being weird whenever you get the chance :P
So check out my weird list ;)

1. Getting hopeless, falling down drunk ;)

At least once in my life, I want to drink far too much and just let loose. Pour down the shots of tequila. Dance on the bar. I know drinking excessively has severely negative impacts on health (albeit a nasty hangover.) But still... it worth giving a try ;)

2. Singing karaoke

Nothing belts a good time better than screaming the lyrics of your favorite song in the company of folks who can't sing any better than you ;) (trust me.. I am an awful singer). Just be sure to load up on the booze (see #1 on this list) and perhaps stuff some cotton balls into your pockets for those "karaokers" who can't carry a tune to save your ears from splitting.

3. Get Lost in Foreign Country :D

I wanna think that I know everything when in reality I don't know sh*t ;) I especially don't ever prepare for ANYTHING because I've been harrassed and nagged to death by parents, superiors, authority figures. I just wanna be glad that I remembered my passport, f*** learning another language ;)

4. Sleep Through An Important Event

Well.. I have always been this 'good girl' who always manages to be on time... But atleast once in my life for a change i wanna sleep through an important event ;) May be my internal clock would get on the fritz. Or it would just be "bad luck". For once I want Preparedness not to be my strong suit. Saying, I got this when I don't :)

5. Get stuck in a jungle ;)

I feel getting stuck in a jungle with your someone special is something really romantic :) I wanna try meadow-crashing under an indigo carpet of stars <3 <3

 6. Experience weightlessness :D :D

Just floating around without feeling the force of gravity :), it is something you should try if you can. Flying is thrilling :) :)

7. See for myself that the Earth is round

The safest way is to sail in one direction and not stop until you’re back home. For a cheaper, albeit not quite as direct method, rise above the Arctic Circle around the summer solstice and spend a night and see the sun above the horizon circle. I for once wanna see that earth is round :)

8. Zorbing

Try Zorbing! You may have seen it, but i doubt many of you tried it . Creates a huge adrenaline rush. I find it kinda weird but yet.. worth giving a try before you die ;)

9. Skydiving

And of course, no "Things To Do Before You Die" list would be complete without a mention of skydiving. For reasons I cannot possibly fathom, skydiving has become the de-facto stand in for "crazy activity you do to feel alive", and as such has been included on every goddamned bucket list since 1984, placing it high in the running for "most hackneyed life-affirming action on earth".

10. Get arrested ;)

Nothing adds to allure and bragging rights faster than a trip to jail courtesy of the police car express. So you mooned a neighbor. Over consumed alcohol and flashed a friend. Or pulled a little breaking and entering to propel your career in pranks. Whatever the case, whatever the reason for handcuffs, getting arrested lends a colorful story to tell over and over again ;)

Sunday, August 28, 2011

You Made My Hostel Life Beautiful :) :) :)

Last few days I have been really upset about life and I was endlessly conspiring people to value life and people as if I was some spiritual Guru :P
But wait.. wait... It a beautiful sunny day outside, sun is shining with all its might and birds are chirping... yeyeyeye.. :) I am happy :)
and so I wanna thank all of you who personified the word M-A-S-T-I and F-R-I-E-N-D-S for me... so here I go... TADA..

*Richa*- Well... You are my senior, friend, philosophical guru and lots more... To be very honest I dont know what exactly you are to me.. All i can say is that our relationship has no name but its beautifully in every way...
I love with all my heart and soul. There is nothing in this world that I would not do for you. I trust you with everything I have, and everything I am. I believe that you know this... and that you have known this for a long time... :)
*Prachi*- I instantly love people who are insane like me, and you my matlu, are one of them :) My cutie pie, been through it all friend. Shove me as many times as you want, but, Matlu, you will be the first person on this list whom I would ever want to thank for making my life worth living over her... I love the way you babysit me whenever I need it. You are customized to be my angel in disguise ;) I really love you the same <3 <3 The only thing that bother me is that your college is over now and I don't get to see you my beans :(

*Vishakha*- I am writing this for you because you are totally worth it  :) :) During our fights whenever you left messages to me saying that You love me and you'll always value me the same.. I always climbed on the ninth cloud :D You never got to know this but i always smiled slyly :) I loved our fights and ignoring each other when most of the time I was fighting without even having a real reason behind it :P Whether It was about borrowing stuffs(as neighbors do) or inventing some macho dance steps.. I loved you through it all <3 <3

*Aveksha*- My beautiful princes you are a GOD-took-a-lot-of-time-creation.. we have never really been close but still you made my hostel life easier, my partner in crime ;)
I'd like to say THANK YOU for always being there for me. Whether we live a short car ride or a long plane ride apart, I know I am lucky to have you just a phonecall away. I don't know what I'd do without you my criminal! Your hilarious stories, your infectious laugh, and your smile I can see right through the soul...

*Madhuri*- oohh... here you come dixit... :) :) My sweet lil baby doll.. Did I ever tell you that i generally don't like people who touches my phone or my stuffs??? and here this is you "what is this, what is that" messing with my stuffs and jumping around... but you are a charming exception baby.. You are my teddy bear, i hold you tightly to fall asleep at cold cozy nights and punch you when I am angry... The dishes that we attempt to make ;) or the hot dresses we try.. I enjoy every bit of it... and yeah.... though I am your senior you make me give a second thought to it ;)

*Vaishali*- Dont be surprised to find your name on this list chatkani... How can i ever forget you my sexy doll... Can you please stop being so damn sexy! You make me feel jealous and happy at the same time ;) The way you dance makes go awwww... :) Your belly moves perfectly with your moves and I can't help complimenting how sexy you are ;) you are my charming hot doll. You are a real sweetheart. Darn you. Nobody I know, has as beautiful a heart as you have. I wish you meet your Mr.Right (the one with yellow pants) someday :P

*Nidhi*- My miss 'know it all'.. thanks for being so sweet.. Had you not been in hostel I would have never being able to find out the latest gossips ;) Its always at the end of everything big tamasha in hostel when i come up to you and ask what happened... I love the way you say "lo aa gayi madam.. inko toh kabhi kuch pata hi nai hota" ;) Whether its about studying together for exams or cracking a double meaning joke.. I love your company through it all ;)

*Dhaka*- wo..wo.. here you came my Happy-go-lucky friend :) The only guy among so many girls ;)
okay.. okay.. You are my only insane friend in college.
I really love you for your imperfect ways of doing things and the way you always end up on something really bad. You drive me nuts at times and i really feel like punching your nose ;) Almost half of my madness is your gift to me... But still counting on you has never been disappointing and I know it never will be :) :)

P.S. I am really lucky to have found friends like you in a place like this :) :)

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Death Changes Your Life In a Way You Can Never Imagine...

Day before yesterday while coming back from a party with friends, I saw an accident suddenly and unexpectedly. I saw the guy die within no time... I saw his body part scattering...
It took me two days to get that scene out of my mind... but In between waves of shock and grief, I felt a fear and there are words that haunted me...

Gather your courage and consider this scenario: You're sitting quietly at home when the telephone rings. You answer it and find out that the person closest to you has just been killed in an accident.

After the shock, and after you get the necessary details, what's your first thought? If you're like many people, you might think back to your last interaction.

Did you share a leisurely meal together, or were you both rushing about frantically? Did you have a nice conversation, or had you been arguing? Did you take time to embrace before parting ways, or did you forget to even say goodbye?

Most importantly, were you up to date with each other—no unfinished business, no unexpressed appreciation, no "I love you's" left unsaid?

In these two days I vowed to treat people as if each time I see them may be the last time I see them.
This doesn't mean I don't have disagreements with people, nor does it mean I don't struggle sometimes with unresolved issues with family or friends. Sometimes I act like a total ignoramus, and sometimes when I act responsibly, people still feel hurt by me. Nonetheless, I aspire to uphold my vow.

I want all of you to know that there are only three things worth saying: I love you, I forgive you, please forgive me.

Please use these.. realize that life is really fragile.. let not death haunt you.
Let the one know that you love and care because maybe tomorrow never comes, and may be you'll be left with some unspoken words that would haunt you all you life...

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Here comes my first award.. :)

While checking the comments on one of my posts, I came across this one "hi,you are tagged here!" Initially I couldn't understand what exactly it was.. but when i checked out the link.. I GOT MY FIRST AWARD..!!
Woooooooooow, receiving my first Blog Award by Gowthami Nandigala was just like getting a Temptation bar in a horror dream. I mean, for once, I though, what, really, shit, yeah :D
Honestly, I was awed a great deal :) :*
This Award being first one to me, deserved a separate full fledged post and I'm glad to pen it down here :)
So, as per the rules, (these rules, being different from the exam rules, are quite fun, lol), Here I go:

Link Back to the person who gave you the award: Done above :)

Share 7 random Things about yourself : Umm.. this one sounds pretty exciting. Well, here it goes:
1. Funny, witty, slapstick comedy is always a treat to me. Though there's a fine line between being vulgar and    funny :P
2. I love gol-guppe like anything. And I wonder how people hate this melt-at-lightening-speed-in-the-mouth-dish!
3. I love shopping especially when it is for clothes and bags and shoes. JUST WOW.
4. If I love someone, I love him/her with everything I have and vice versa.
5. Nothing gives me more pleasure than being with my loved ones, they complete me, anyday!
6. I like counting stars at night and discovering different constellations simultaneously. That Pole Star is like a cherry on the top for me :)
7. I kind of enjoy long drives with slow soul warming music. It's the best remedy for any disturbing element, trust me!

Moving on to the next one,

My Favorite song: There are loads of them, seriously, I keep changing my taste and my playlist in installments ;). Still, I'll say "Everything I do, I do it for you" by "Bryan Adams" and "Every time we touch" by "Cascada" for that matter! :)

What piss me off: Dishonest, double standard, jerks, wishy washy and people who try to insult others.

Biggest fear: Well, losing my loved ones. Apart from that, Bring it on, baby! :P

Best Feature: As my friends say, My Dazzling smile :) *blush*

I wanna share my bloggers award with my friends for their words which once touched my soul and nourished it inside out, You made me smile :) I feel heavily honored giving away this award to the very deserving. Here are few of those magical people. I love them all anyway!

Phewwww...!! I did it :D

Well... Order doesn't matters... and yeah You people write really well.. So.. Please accept my prize as a token of love and keep writing..!!


P.S. I hope you know the rules of receiving an award (share some facts about yourself and spread the love) :)

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

In Love, All love excelling...

I need him in this materialistic world where feelings are becoming thinner than air and people's hunger for materialistic possessions is seeming never to be satiated.
Amid the opportunistic people interested more in the exteriors and busy with inanimate objects and with their paper hearts filled only with superficial feelings, I hold tightly my fragile heart to give it to someone simple who would truly care for it...

Someone who can envelope me in his strong arms, letting them protect me from all evil, laying in them, and reciprocating, is all I desired. May be I know his arms will be my Castle and his Heart will be my Sky. I want to be the undisputed queen of his heart. Resting in them, getting drenched in his toxic scent, will always take me to a dream-world dotted by little angels, that sprinkles love all over with their magic wand.
I could hear a million words even in his silence, and they would make me feel like a Duchess, irrevocably and hopelessly in love with her Duke :)

I know he will be the one who would string together the imprisoned words of my heart and let my feelings flow like a cascade...
one who would unleash my sporadic but true emotions of different colours emanating from my heart, giving them wings to fly....
I wish to grow old with him...
I crave for that feeling of love.... I wish that God would be gracious and let him walk into my life...

Dropping a coin into the wishing well, I watch as it goes down into the water...
With that coin also were fastened all my deepest wishes.

I have no clue what made my fingers type the above lines but I thought it was time I made my thoughts see the light of the day.
And my future knight in a matt-finish armor (shiny armors are so out of the game), I hope you fill my life with such love one day !
I'll make you read this for sure :)

P.S. Cascada's 'Everytime we Touch' tingles every romantic molecule of my being whenever my headphones bring it to my ears. Do check it out, though I'm sure you must have heard it. :)

*Without you it's hard to survive*

*I feel Love*

P.P.S. I am a Twilight fan and the way Edward loves Bella makes me want a man like him :)

Friday, August 12, 2011

Raksha Bandhan- The Bond Of Love

Celebrated on the full moon day in the Hindu calendar month of Sharavan, Raksha Bandhan is one of the most widely celebrated festivals of India.
It is a day that symbolises the sacred relationship between a brother and sister. Literally translated,raksha means protection while bandhan means bond. Raksha Bandhan, therefore, signifies the bond of love out which comes a sense of security and protection.

On Raksha Bandhan, the sister ties a rakhi, comprising sacred threads, on her brother's wrist and performs an aarati . In return, the brother gives her a gift. The ritual is meant to signify their love and that both are looking out for each other. Today, the festival goes much beyond real brothers and sisters to any two individuals who enjoy a deep relationship. So you are likely to see a woman tie a rakhi to her cousins, neighbours and close friends.

For me this Raksha Bandhan is really special as my elder brother will be dropping in. My big brother means the world to me. He has always been there for me whenever I needed him. He has helped me understand that people will always judge me by the way I talk, dress or hang out with. He's taught me that I can do whatever as long as I work hard for it. He's helped me with my problems and has taught me many things. He is my BEST FRIEND and I trust him like anything. Whenever I'm mad or sad he has always been there for me to talk to. He understands a side of me in way that no one can ever do and most amazingly he always has an answer for my every question (even the most weirdest one)

My brother has taught me to enjoy the time I have and those I love. He and I are very close as brother and sister we have both grown up "side by each" together.
He has also taught me that life is fragile and that life isn't fair: you must make the best of it and keep your head high. Think positive, be positive, resolve what you can and think in solutions. He has taught me to never give up. He has determination for things he is interested in. I watch him and I learn these things :)

My parents have always been great to us, their kids. They have taught us many of life's lessons like good parents do. One thing my brother taught me is how to share and to be more giving of myself and of my things. He has taught me a long list of life's essentials also.
He has great empathy for others, their difficulties and their feelings. He is great at discussing those situations with you and letting you know that he is thinking of you in your tough times. He always offers to help. On his own, he'll NEVER send cards, bring you flowers and visit when you are in the hospital but still he has a great insight when it comes to his observation of your emotions. He understands. He listens. He has taught me that. He has been my brothers ever since the day I was born and I feel grateful to have him as my bro. I'm sure I would be a different person if I did not know him. He makes me remember that we are all people here on this Earth and we are all important to our friends, family and loved ones just the way we are.

I'm so thankful I have a brother like you to count on.
I know you'll always be there with open arms if I need a hug,
and an open mind if I need someone to understand.
I’m so glad that I can be myself around you.
You know my qualities and my faultsand you love me just the same.
I'm so proud to have a brother like you ...
not just for what you have accomplished,
but for who you are.
I'm so lucky to have you to talk and laugh with ...
to reminisce and make new memories with.
I can't tell you how much it means to have a brother like you.
You're one of the most important people in my life.
You are my brother not by choice, but by the nature of our birth.
I could not have chosen a better one, you are the best on earth.
Thanks for being my Big Brother!

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Be Original... Be Yourself..

Perhaps it's the inherent human nature to try to fit in with the multitude and so we all wear masks in this fancy-mass party to conceal our true selves underneath, sometimes deliberately, trying to embellish ourselves in the eyes of the world. We act like mirrors reflecting to the desires of others, of what they want to see. And sometimes we allow ourselves to be bullied into silence, just to be accepted into their group.

But sometimes we wear our masked face for far too long that we soon forget who we truly are.
Being bewildered by our dualities -- wearing one face to ourselves and another to the multitude --, we may one day, even fail to recognise which one of the two is the real one!
To keep the mask on is like deceiving not just others but also ourselves.
We forget that we all are so disparate; we forget that each one of us is unique.
Each one of us has some flaw or imperfection and it's no shame to accept being oneself and no one else.

Everyone fits in somewhere. It is a possibility that we mayn’t fit in with some people ... but then, in the words of Andre Gide ~
It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for something you are not...

Why can't we just be ourselves? Doing our own thing and not worrying about others judging us? Why can't we just dance like no one is watching, or sing like no one is listening?
If we could just be ourselves and not follow the crowd..., bringing forth our true selves, not trying to assimilate ourselves into the crowd... instead, just being ourselves...; accepting no one's definition of our lives, rather defining ourselves! That would indeed make life worth living :)

After all there is only one unique "I/Me" in this world!

"You were born an original. Don't die a copy" ~ John Mason

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Things my Blog deserves to know about me :)

I so adore making lists :) Here I come up with one :) Certain very beautiful little HONEST instances of my life have been enlisted here so that I can read it when I become a granny and laugh my heart out thinking how crazy I was :D

1. I panic a little when I get in to elevators/lifts. I am always in a hurry to step in/out, because I have a weird fear that I may not be fast enough and the doors will close and I’ll be stuck all alone!

2. I love the feeling that hungry version of me experiences when I see my food arriving at a restaurant. :D

3. I love it whenever I find my dad online and we chat.... Dad finds typing little tough in a qwerty keyboard, yet he does it for me.... I am so proud that I taught him to chat :)

4. I am very particular about thanking people for any service… say staff in restaurants, supermarkets, shops, on the road…anywhere. And notice it when others forget/refuse to say “Thank you”. It always irritiates me a lot.

5. I like people instantly if they are thoughtful enough to hold the door for someone behind them at a mall/movie theatre/metro station. I think its very sweet :)

6. I love receiving instant replies to texts sent after 2 AM.

7. I love people-gazing in public places. I love to study faces, and more often than not, end up comparing how many faces are “naturally” pleasant and how many people are smiling.

8. One new message on Facebook makes me much more happier than 10 new notifications.

9. I love balancing a light switch and then celebrate my little success with myself :)

10. I love to try going back to sleep hoping to complete my incomplete dream ;)

11. I love it when i sleep on a messy bed that's piled up with books and wake up to find myself on a neat and tidy bed with a blanket over me.. oohhh mom.. how can I love you more :) :)

11. I love to smile when I send you a smiley. Sending an emotion and not an emoticon is the sweetest thing life taught me. :) (Yes, I did smile).

Have a wonderful day..!!!
*Hugs* :)

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

'Change' is the only constant thing in life...

One fine day
I stepped into this evil world
met beautiful people
befriend them
I loved them
and ,they rained their love back at me
years passed by,
some quietly moved away,
some fought battles,
while some stayed,
the latter hurt the most.
they stayed,
they changed,
they expected more,
they loved irrespective,
they broke up,
they patched up,
they hated,
they hated even more,
and more,
and one day I lost them forever.
I surprise my own self
when I miss you and
don't have the nerve to admit this even to my bare soul !

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

My First Attempt At Baking a Cake :)

Its my mom's birthday today... and her favorite cake to devour on her birthday has to be a vanilla cake as its been her only choice since several years now. In my family on anyone's birthday a home-cooked meal, and a vanilla cake has almost become a tradition now. My mom always bakes a cake for everyone in the family... but when its mom's birthday I accept that I’ve always cheated and bought the cake from a bakery. I always made excuses to my dad for why I was never able to bake mom a cake… no time, had to work, no one was not going to eat what I bake. Those were the most common excuses. I’m sure there were many more. But in actuality, I was and still am intimidated by baking. It’s too precise for me. I like cooking savory dishes so much more because a little dash of this, and a little dash of that, and voila!… a tasty meal. No measurements, no thing. Just pure intuition :)

I’m a horrible baker. The last time I attempted to bake was when I was fifteen years old. I was trying to bake chocolate chip cookies from store-bought ready-made cookie dough. The cookies baked by me looked nothing like the original cookies. They were flat, and dry. Ugh.
I mean, how can you mess up ready-made cookie dough?! They are made to be fail proof. You just drop dough onto a buttered cookie sheet, and wait 8 to 10 minutes for cookies! But it wasnt the same for me...!!! The cookies ended up in the garbage as even the street dog refused to eat it. From then on, I swore to myself that I would never try to bake anything sweet ever again. Ever. Until today...
I wanted to show my mom how much I care for her, so I decided to bake a vanilla cake for her on her birthday.
In order to overcome my bake-o-phobia I asked my best friend 'Anu' to stay over night on my mom's birthday eve at my place so that we can surprise her early morning on her birthday. Anu came on the day I called her (19 July).
So today (20th July) was the day. The day to bake. The day that I’ve avoided for a very long time.
It took us three hours to make, bake and assemble. I don’t think it should have taken this long. I also had many other revelations along the way of making this cake. Firstly, I can’t believe that of all cakes I tried to bake, this was the one.
Secondly, I had many horrible mishaps along the way of baking. I think it was a sign that I was not meant to be a baker.
Lastly, I realized how important it is to have at least a hand-held electric mixer. I hand-mixed and hand beat EVERYTHING in the batter. My forearms were very sore by the end of the process.
I think this was probably the most adventurous cooking attempt I’ve ever made. I really mean that. Simply because I’m not good at baking at all!

And as this was my first time baking a cake so to minimize damage, I stuck to a single-layer cake, and so I simply used half the proportions in the recipe (That I found on net.. lol). I somehow managed to produce a cake that baked really well (its really spongy)... but I cant really comment too much about the taste of the cake as it was slightly salty because by mistake I used salted butter in it... However the mission "baking a cake" was a huge success and I am really satisfied :)

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Where are you..???

So many people try to keep their blogs positive. It's a life-affirming space, a safe place, etc. I spend every day, all day, trying to be that way in the real world. This is my let it all hang out space, my safe place of negativity. When I hurt, I let it out here. When I'm tired, frustrated, depressed, alone, angry and resentful I come here and spew all the things I can't let out into real life.
And since the last two days there is something that I cant really get out of my mind..

"Either you are thinking about what happened in the past or worrying about what will happen in the future. You forget to consider the present. That's the only trouble with you."
That's what my friend said to me two days back...

Though I may hate it... but he is right.
I don't regret my past, but I do think if I could have taken some decisions differently, done things another way, may be thing would have been better.
Perhaps the biggest past factor with me is thinking about people. I don't exactly nurse a grudge, but I find it hard to forget. I might think I have forgiven, but then at unexpected moments I realise I don't know how to forgive. It all comes back.

The future thrills me and scares me to death. I fear losing what I have, but even more than that, I fear that I might stop appreciating what I have. I've run from responsibilities, relationships, people... I pushed people away.. the ones who loved me.. the ones who cared... and what if I do all this again??

My friend calls it my "second guessing streak". He says I think negative thoughts and either worry myself trying to prevent it or worse, get fatalistic and make it happen.

I can perhaps stop thinking about the past. But the future...? It confuses me, when people say "live in the present, don't think about the future". I cant help thinking... will not our actions today affect our tomorrow?

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Was it Love Or Illusion..

There is a question in my life I cant find an answer to... May be you people can help me...
I don't even know where to begin but this is all started when he first met her. A simple, sweet guy with a huge smile on his face and dat too came when she entered the room. A girl with a calm and shy face, lots of expression was there on her face at a time. I think she was a bit nervous and excited too. She came in to the room and just then this guys came by her side and said "Hi!". She replied nicely and took her seat. I don't know if he noticed it or not but I did, everytime he turned his face to her, a smile came on her face. He was so indulge in himself and his work that he couldn't notice that smile and shine on that girls's face. days passed by and they became good friends. She started to see a new place coming up in her life for that boy. People started to blabber lots of things about both of them.
As usual, when you are right, you don't care about the world. I heard someone saying dat " Don't care about what people talk about you, but do care about what you give them to talk." Well both of them were so involved in each other that they were unaware of the world, they found new friends in each other.
One day after classes, i saw the guy rushing towards the girl. He came to her and told her all about his feeling for her. He was so in love, i can still feel dat. The warmth of every single words coming from his heart, was so real. He was so into her that was not able to think about something else at that time. Even the girl was madly in love with this guy, he was her world, her life, her heartbeat, her everything.

But one thing which hurted me most and I found it strange, was, that they both were in love,the guy did pour out his heart to the girl.... but as few days passed on he suddenly started acting strange.
One day when the girl couldn't take it any-more she went to the guy and asked him where does she stand in his life. He didn't reply to her. He said nothing and left. Was it so neccessary to leave it unspoken? or Is it so mutual to even express? I didn't understand that time.

Days passed, the girl waited for her answer. She wanted to know all about his feelings but he was not ready to say a single word. After some time I found out that this guy with calm face and cute smile, was already in love with someone else and couldn't break that other girl's heart. And the sudden expression of the feelings of this first girl, put him in a wierd situation. Neither he wanted to hurt any of them nor he wanted to loose any of them.
I cant understand.... is it possible to love 2 people at the same time and was it love actually??
I still don't know.

He didn't came to attend his classes for the next 2-3 days. During those missing days, I missed that shining smile on the girls face. I silently watched each and everything, taking place between them. I don't know about others present in that room, but I was surely the eye witness of their friendship, love, sorrow and every other emotion.
After 2-3 days, the guy came to the class. He looked silent and calm as usual. The girl was sitting at the corner of the room silently but I saw a strange change in her mood. She looked so desperate to talk to him. I saw the feelings in her eyes like she wanted to hold him in her arms and never let him go any where.
At the mean time I saw the sorry feelings in the boy's eyes like he was blaming himself for whatever happened to this girl without even knowing the reason. But he had planned something else for her. He came near her and held her hands. She looked surprised or rather say shocked. He holded his hand up and said " I don't want you to go. I want you to be with me forever." and tear rolled down his cheek. She was suprised by what he just said and in anticipation she hugged him tightly and cried her heart out like she way saying " Don't worry swetheart, I am not going anywhere. I'll be by your side." With this sweet girl, i was crying too...I don't know why..

Time passed, they started talking and treating each other like they are so in love with each other, but at every prospect the guy compares this girl to that other girl whom he loves. Now at this point, he was in love with two people at the same time.
Was he loyal to any of them?

Was he really in love with any of them or both of them?

I left the classes and the story as well. I dont' know the end and my questions left unanswered. I don't know if I ever get to know the end or the answers, but one thing which I know is , they both cared a lot for each other and there was some thing more than just freindship.

I don't know what it was Illusion or Love, doesn't matter, but there was something....